Four thousand nine hundred and ninety eight........Four thousand nine hundred and ninety nine........
Five thousand.
Finished!
Five thousand words!
Well I'm sure Google can't complain about that. If they like a long blog for SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) purposes then I think I can safely say I have it covered.
I think quite probably it's the best piece of work I've done to date, since my Rescued submission, and I reckon Tolstoy would have been proud, though by his standards I'm only five hundred and eighty-two thousand, two hundred and eighty-seven adrift. Still I don't want to put people off.
Whats that peep? What do you mean he's dead?
Tolstoy?
Tolstoy is DEAD! Wow that was sudden, I was only just reading his blog on the Kindle, last night!
Poor man, I best send some nip flowers and a selection of cream cheeses to his wife and family. Oh and send a missive to Napoleonic Ambassador in London, that unless they cease hostilities I'll impose a trade embargo on that smelly cheese of theirs and not buy any more.
OK so I admit I don't actually buy any, but should I buy some in future I won't, and I'll demand a refund too, in triplicate. That will teach 'em!
Anyways back to the matter at paw.
When they say five thousand words for SEO on Google, maybe its like the changing of the century, and it's not a new century until you get the thousand and oneth. Maybe what I need to do is add one extra one word, after all I don't want to ruin the ship or my Google ranking for a Ha'p'orth of tar, now do I!
Mind you, this isn't a ship, and whilst we do have a moat, I don't think the Kraken will be happy me going around shoving tar in all her nooks, crannies and along her split seams!
On second thoughts I'll add another two words, the second can keep the first company, or in case the first gets lost. You can never quite tell where some of those words disappear to. Many a time I've hit the ESC button and things vanish.
What's that ol' wobbly peep o' mine?
Really? Well no wonder things keep vanishing if they put an ESCape key on the keyboard.There was me thinking ESC stood for Erin's Special Cream! No wonder it never turned up. I best send an email to Apple to cancel my last ten missives of complaint about missing words..... and then I can send another complaining that there's no key to order cream!
Right best add the two words, but what could I use? 'The End' is too final and it surely isn't the end of the blog. 'To be continued' is a favourite but that really gets over used these days, especially in the movies.
I'll add 'Cream Cheese', that will get the old taste buds going and add to the flavour of the post.
So, what's five thousand plus one more and another one? That makes..... ah..... hmmm..... er..... I've got it! Five thousand and eleven!
That still doesn't seem a lot, I mean that's less than one per cent margin of error, not that I make any but we do need to be accurate in our leeways! I best check the exchange rate and see if when I change it to pence, rather than cents, it looks any better.
Eeek! That's even worse! According to the exchange rates at the moment, those five thousand words in US are only worth three thousand seven hundred and eighty two and point seven four in the UK!
That means I'm well short of what I need for UK Google. And what of the parts of words? I hadn't figured on a 'point seven four' of a word.
What to do, what to do indeed?
Hmm, well I could add an extra twelve hundred and seventeen words, and a few abbreviations like y'all and ol' bean, that should do it.
But maybe that's too much of a margin. I definitely don't want to ruin the blog by over egging the custard. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind over creaming things but too many eggs is not on. No ma'am, that would never do and have the hens in uproar about wastage and they'd threaten a stand up strike!
I think I have it! I could make the words bigger, thus take up more word space. That way they'll still be five thousand and eleven US words but in UK they'll expand and fill up the page despite the conversion rate. I could put it down to market forces and inflation.
What's that ol' peep of mine? You think this is too long for a blog?
I'll have you know that this is the very latest way to get noticed on the web, having a BIG SEO is right up there at the top of the page of things to do...... in fact as the blog title it IS right at the top of the page!
Now the tile's done I can work on the Facebook and Twitter post too.
Whats that peep? Twitters one hundred and forty characters you say? Really? Would that be a hundred and forty characters less than five thousand?
It isn't, huh?
Hmm do you think I could maybe just squeeze this one down to very small print? Or maybe they have a leeway.... of about four thousand eight hundred and sixty?They don't, huh?
Botheration.... Ok so maybe five thousand and eleven words is more of a dawn chorus than a tweet, but still it's not very sociable of them. I shall send them a missive complaining and asking them to up there tweets to five thousand.... and eleven.
Oh well I really do need to get on with the blog post itself, but so far all I've come up with is;- How I wrote the perfect SEO heading for Google. I mean whose going to read that, it's barely enough for a title let alone a post!
~~~~~ The End ~~~~~
And now for a Sunday Selfie......
I am joining the Sunday Selfies, hosted by the fantastic Kitties Blue: XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, and Cooper Murphy, from The Cat on My Head blog The Sunday Selfies is a wonderful weekly celebration of blogs and bloggers from across the world, and shares stories and pictures for others to enjoy.
Why not join the fun by adding the code from our hosts, (a link is on their page) and posting your own selfie. It really is that easy....
