Hmm, there's nothing finer after a hard night mousing in the Palace woods than being sat here on the bed soaking in the warming rays, biscuit treats to one side of me and a large lump to the other....
Hang on just a mo, there's something very wrong with that statement, I think....
Best recap as it doesn't do in my position, and by that I don't mean recumbent, to make false statements, now does it. I mean a Princess stands or falls, not that I fall off anything I don't want to, on her veracity integrity and charm, and in the case of my peep, the ability to deal with those with special knees.
What's that? What's that you say?
Special NEEDS you say?
Hmm, well given all that's wrong with you, I rather take the special needs bit as par for the course. But those knees, well those knees are so very much in need of de-nobbling I do rather think they could rewrite medical science.
Well not the knees rewrite science as they have even less opposable thumbs than I do, but I dare say if you wanted to sell them I could get quite a few bids from the Internet. In fact if we advertised in What Chicken, we could have them there knees on a calendar in every chicken house from here to Bear Cats Tasty Chicken Emporium in America. Mouses!
Anyways, before I interrupted myself, I was trying to figure out what was wrong with my statement....
Now it was definitely a hard night mousing, no mice is always a hard game to play and you sometimes just have to chase your own tail to make up for it. purrs
Hmm that doesn't leave a lot...
Ah-ha I got it! it was the fact it's sunny! I mean we never have sunny weather on a winter's Monday! Who ever heard of that, stands to reason that winter should be miserable.
Add to that the fact that the first day of the working week is meant to be gloomy and rainy, so as to drive peeps to head to work. Well that and the prospect of having to do all those jobs they'd been putting off like cleaning the moat and jet washing the battlements!
Having said that, it is now March. And March here means springtime has sprung, so technically sun puddles are permitted, nay absolutely necessary to let those little daffodils bloom.
Now they, those nice new crisp sun puddles fresh from their winter skiing holidays, help us cats too. They warm the earth, which in turn gets those little green shoots a shooting, and those little grubs and worms a' grubbing and a worming.
Yup, and when those little grubs and worms move around they make lots of noise, and wakes the birds and mice.
Now those there little birds and mice head off to restock the pantries, and of course when they're active so am I.
So I figure that this here sun puddle is one hundred percent not wrong....
What the heck!
Peep! You're STILL HERE!
Quick, get out of bed this instant and get to work, like 3 hours ago!
This just isn't right, how dare you do that too me. Sneaking up on a Princess like that, in a not moving from the duvet kinda sneaking up way.
That just isn't right, no ma'am, you could have caused no end of psychological issues, not to mention I could have lost a life, and caused premature greying and wilting of my whiskers. Mouses!
Oh my, I feel faint. Get me cream, and treats. And a mirror!
No best I get them, you've caused enough emotional damage for one morning....
Oh my. Why on earth are you still here? You're not sick are you? I mean you don't look any pastier than normal.
Is it your legs? Have those nobly knees finally given in and wobbled their last, is that what it is?
Or have they been stolen in the night by a pack of chickens after a souvenir?
Whats that peepers, a day off, you say?
A day off as in, off work for a day?
A twenty four hour period in which to do nothing constructive, that sort of day off?
A Day Off?
A DAY OFF!
You can't just go around taking days off and not tell me. I mean think of the chaos it will cause having you tripping over things. Well specifically me actually. You do seem to have a way of being exactly where I want to be going, when I want to be going there. Mouses!
And you just don't seem to take into account the fact that I'm of limited stature, compared to you, and cant go around with my head in the air trying to second guess where those dainty feet clad in the deranged fluffy cat slippers are going to end up next.
On that subject Are you sure they haven't gone rabid? I mean they look nothing like any cat I have seen, even one nipped up doesn't have those sort of wide and spinning eyes. Mouses!
Well if you're going to stop around for the day, I need you to make yourself useful. There is nothing worse about the Palace than derange slippers with nobly knees attached. What will the neighbours say if they see you out in the daylight. They'll think I'm going soft or something. Mouses!
The Devil finds work for idle paws......
After that you'll need to put on this here other apron and make like the cleaner. Shifting dust is something you should be used to, so progressing to actually getting rid of it will be a great opportunity to learn new skills. Just whatever you do, don't upset the vacuum by saying her bag is fat. she was in counselling for weeks after the last time someone said that. I'd say stick to what you're good at peepers ol' chum, but common sense really isn't your strong point. purrs
Now, once you've done that, the Palace steed needs re-shoeing so the Farriers apron is in the stable block. Whilst you're there, the Gardener's apron is in the greenhouse and there are some strange looking plants in there that need seeing to.
Hmm, on second thoughts forget that apron, the fact there are plants growing in there, period, is a minor miracle in itself given the last time you chose to feed my African Violets you killed them all. I shed a tear every time I pass those little graves on the way to the mouse hunting grounds. Purrs
Yup, best skip that apron, and head on over to the milking parlour and use the milk maid's apron. I'm sure Daisy won't mind giving you some cream for my tea. Oh and make sure you warm your hands this time, before you grab her. I sure don't want a repeat of the last time you did that. Poor thing, took weeks to make her stop producing ice cream sundaes. I wouldn't have minded so much but it was the middle of winter and nobody around here wanted to buy any. Mouses!
Once you've sorted that lot out, which I'm guess should be around tea time, you can have a few minutes break. Then if you nip into the car and drive around the village a couple of times and then come home, we can start the evening routine.
I can't have you thinking you can just lapse into bad habits and have this sort of an easy day all the time. You've not retired you know. And even if you had, pensioners have to earn their keep too. I've seen those peeps all over the place being put to good use, checking the accuracy of the bus timetables and the quality of the hairdressers. All important jobs, and help keep those buses and hairdressers on their toes.
Hmm, I just had a great idea! Brilliant in fact. Peeps, take a missive to the Director of Pensioner Employment, the D.O.P.E, for short, and suggest to save resource and wear and tear on those lovely pensioners, what they should do is combine the bus and hairdresser inspections into one and have a mobile hairdresser service. That way the pensioners can arrive to conduct their inspections of the supermarket special offers and DIY offers all trimmed up and looking a million dollars
What's that you say peep, ol' lugubrious one? What am I doing?
Of all the nerve, I'm doing absolutely everything, well everything else your not. Mouses!
I mean who do you think has all these brilliant ideas, not forgetting all those aprons that need checking!
In fact I have my very own TUX apron to check right now. So, peepers, if you don't mind I need a little privacy to cogitate and formulate a new work strategy.
Oooh, before you go, will you pass that nice fleecy bakers apron and pop it in that sun puddle, just there, thanks. I mean someone has to make the biscuits around here!