Saturday, 17 June 2017

Three hours!

Well?

What have you to say for yourself?

Three hours late.

THREE HOURS!

That's a life time for us cats, and at least two naps and a meal and some snacks to be precise, though don't quote me on that as it may be more. Purrs

THREE HOURS! What were you doing with yourself, huh?

Now don't lie, I've seen how quick those jet planes fly, you should have been here ages ago! AND I can smell a dog on you!

Vivee, the Service dog.
Come on spill it, you've been having an affair whilst my back is turned and....

What? A service dog, you say?

Pull the other one, there is no way I am believing a dog can play tennis.

A ball dog maybe, but not an actual player? Nah, not buying which is good as I have run out of funds and I don't know where to buy it if I did have the funds.

Oooh, THAT sort of a service dog, well why didn't you say. They're really cool, in fact I was thinking of getting some to run the Palace for me, you just don't know how difficult it is to get good staff, and I could ask them to look after you too, I mean you are a bit wobbly on the feet and getting my breakfast of late has been a bit awkward.

Anyways, now you're here I need a full run down on what you've been doing with your time. And don't try to fob me off with anything as I've had a full report from ER v0.5.

From take off to landing I have it all in the report, kindly and studiously typed up by ER, though apparently she lost the incriminating photo's oh gluttonous Maximus one, when the digital film got exposed at the developers.

I have to say this first comment is so hard to believe. I mean ordering meals at 11pm! Why, wasn't the aeroplane food for 24 hours enough?

Sparrows diet you say? And what's wrong with that! Suits me, puts a natural sort of skip and flutter in ones step too.

And whats this about ordering a large bovine to your room for a late night party?  I mean they charge a fortune for room service. If those Buffalo's have wings then they could have got there under their own steam.

And what of the housekeeping maid? I can just imagine what she said the next day when she had to tidy up after that! I hope you didn't tip too much?!


A chicken you say? The wings are of a chicken?

Really!

So you want me to believe you ordered room service to send you a one ton bovine with wings, and a beak?

Hmm.... well it might explain why them buffalo can't fly, with those tiny wings they'd never get off the ground. Cant imagine there was much room left in the elevator, though. Mouses!

Anyways, the report here says you spent all day sleeping in, and rolled out of bed as fat as a beach ball, to go enjoy all that enjoying Southern Hospitality, including cheesecake the size of the Myrtle Beach Sky Wheel. Two slices wasn't it?!


At least ER was taking this whole conference seriously, and was up all night slaving at the computer.....

...... and taking early morning conference calls and attending sessions without thought for her own personal state.


Run ragged she says she was...... a constant treadmill of heated debate, working lunches, and walking corridors to insight and instruction.

She swears she was up and down more times than a Yo-Yo doing sit ups.

And it says here under Offence 29, sub para 33a, that you were out and about cavorting around with other guests, staying up late, and partying in the corridors till all hours. You know you're meant to be in bed by nine pm else things start to get all wobbly!


In fact Herman, AKA Sherlock Herms of the "It's a Wonderpurr Life" blog, actually had to get out of bed to break things up!


Really, is this the way you fly the TUX flag?


I even had reports from the table staff that the water, and iced tea, was flowing far too freely (something you would never find a feline doing) and that you were so intoxicated you were seen being carried down the red carpet by two colleagues. How embarrassing is that. The way things sound, I'm surprised you didn't get an UBER to do it for you. Mouses!




Bionic Basil & ER v0.5
Flattie V and ER v0.5
And then there's this comment, that you were seen laughing, nay, and I quote, "giggling like a schoolgirl" at the 'Meowijuana' sponsors stand!

Some have even gone so far as to say you, ol' retired and wobbly one, had sought medicinal support from the nip! Believe me there is NO Police officer that will buy that one, not even for personal use!

Thank heavens Bionic Basils plush double stepped in to save the day with a stern ticking off and confiscation of the glorious.... er.... heinous substance.

On the plus side ER made many wonderful new pals, including Valentine (from the Noir Kitty Mews blog) flat representative, Flattie V, who was very charming to ER. They spent many moments discussing local issues, Cream supply, Politics, Mice, and Palaces. Apparently Valentines Palace is in a wine growing region. Sparkling Nip Champagne all round!

Quite a debonair young and floofy guy, could turn a girls head for sure. Anyways, business cards were exchanged together with invites for the upcoming Social Scene, and the opening of the mouse hunting season on The Glorious Monday.

Obviously as the close season for mouses is every Sunday this makes for ample opportunity for mice to have a break from from day to day things, to catch up on napping, shopping, re populating and attend church. Purrs

OK peep, I think I don't have to go much further to make my point. All I can say is that..........

******* Some time later........... ******

So let that be a lesson to you. If you want to go to Blog Paws 2018 you'll need to buck up your ideas an awful lot, and you can start by not dropping off to sleep whilst I'm talking to you.


So what's in this here case? I saw it took two Sherpas to off load the camel that brought you home...

Presents?

What? you mean presents for me. Little and not so ol' me? I have PRESENTS! Oooh how nice, lets look. Come on, don't be shy about it, lets have a goose.

Whats that peepers? It's 'Lets have a GANDER' Really? And being goosed means what?

WHAT!

Oh my, there is no way I want that! I do have my dignity and there is no way I'm pinching your derriere, I mean this is a family blog and all. Mouses!

OK so what have you got in here?

Nothing but clothes you say? I can't believe you just bought me clothes? You Know I only need the one dress suit, self cleaning and crinkle free.

Though I do think maybe I should be having a selection of crowns to lighten the day, a lady can't go too far wrong with a selection of precious stones. Though looking at your weight, ol' chubby cheeks, I reckon you got too many of them there stones. In fact it's a miracle you weren't searched for aliens.

Talking of aliens, have you been trying to mow the lawn again? I did see some very strange patterns down by the old and spooky mine shaft, near the deserted village on the edge of the haunted moor, the one by the gallow tree and graveyard.

No?

Oh well, just asking as since the Kraken is off on her annual holiday to the Bermuda Triangle, we have to be extra careful as to comings and goings.

Nothing scary ever happens around these parts, well not unless it's you going out in those flares platforms and tank tops last Halloween.

Whats this? I see my face on this here T shirt, and that one. Ooh and this one has my name on it too.


OK back to all these clothes, are you sure there isn't anything you could have got through Customs? I mean they can't be that strict as they let you in and out again.

You could at least have got me a T shirt, or something?

Anything?

Nothing?

Over the Atlantic......
You did? REALLY! Ooh goody go on then, get it out. Is it a years subscription to American Mouse Holes? Or maybe a Guide to East Coast Cheeses and Creameries?

What's this you're giving me? A small brown paper bag, no I correct myself, a VERY small screwed up brown paper bag. Is it nip? A solid lump of primo nip, hand rolled in Cuba by artisan Nip manufacturers?

I'll have a look, I do love surprises, well surprises I know about. Purrs

Erm.... peep. I think your gift has been stolen. All them thieves left in here is a pebble. A nice pebble I grant you, but a pebble nonetheless.

Would you look at that, it has the owners name on it too! This stone belonged to a lady called Myrtle, Myrtle Beach. Shame there's no phone number else I could have phoned her and sent it back. I wonder where she lives?

Oh well, I should be grateful for small mercies, peep, at least you made it back. Risked flying across the Atlantic, above the clouds, all for me.

I just don't know what I would have done if you hadn't... I mean who'd have bought those new suitcases home?


                                                       ~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~




It's Sunday Selfie time!



Please join me now as we enter the Sunday Selfies hosted by the fantastic 

Kitties Blue: XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, and Cooper Murphy, from The Cat on My Head blog 












The Sunday selfies is a wonderful weekly celebration of blogs and bloggers from across the world, and shares stories and pictures for others to enjoy. 


Why not join the fun, by adding the code from our hosts, (a link is on their page) and posting your own selfie. It really is that easy.



This weeks selfie was actually caught by the Palace security camera this morning, and shows yours truly poised to take a conference call from Buckingham Palace, to help form the next government. I do believe I can bring an awful lot to the table, and not just mice and cream.

With the heat of the morning at 5am already hitting 23 centigrade, I thought best to conserve energy and get a nap in too, I mean a Princess has to look her best for a royal engagement, even on Skype!


To see what all our pals have been up to this week, please click the links/images below, and enjoy the HOP!




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46 comments:

  1. All in all the critters were far less confused at BlogPaws than were the peeps. Yes, at least they all made it home just fine Princess!

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    1. Seems like we'd be bette off going than them. That way the sponsors could talk straight to the Cats that know.
      purrs, ERin

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  2. First off, ER v0.5 is seriously adorable. Looks like a great time was had by all at BlogPaws!

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    1. Thank you, she has it all from me you know, all the fluffy bits and the trim ears.... some say they're my best feature. Obviously the mice don't but thats a story for another meal time... er... I meant TIME.
      Purrs, ERin

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  3. Better late than never, or that's what they always told me! Many purrs, and was great meeting you at BlogPaws. Please reach out to share how the kitties in the UK are doing. Many purrs.

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    1. Hi yer. I heard what happened to all your computer stuff, that is rotten luck. Still it is great to see you. All's well and happy here, bar for me being annoyed at peep. Still, they do need keeping in line when they get to that troublesome age, post retirement. MOL
      We hopes to see you next year, flights permitting.
      Purrs, ERin

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  4. Great selfie! Did you get to speak to Larry the 10 Downing Street Cat? We want him to be PM!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    1. No, seems like my missive has been lost in the bureaucracy of government! Next time I need to send it by pigeon, in fact in triplicate by three pigeons!
      Purrs, ERin

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  5. Aaaaaaaaaaaaw Erin, you look so adorably cute. and confy too. Are you tellin' us dat outta all da swag they gave out at BlogPaws, all you got was a rock? Dat's not right, just not right at all. We oughtta send you some of our secret stash of da nip and vine. What da peeps and law don't know...MOL big hugs and A Happy Father's day to your peep.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I know, a stone that belonged to someone else no less! I must confess that a nip nanna did stow away in peeps pumps, so I do have something exotic to show for ER v0.5's adventures.
      Purrs, ERin

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  6. That is a beautiful selfie. Happy Fathers Day to your wonderful Dad ( AKA Peep)!

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    1. Thank you, I do like to have a good stretch before taking a call. I mean one has to look ones best for HRH ER II. I mean even her Corgis have to go to the gym and stylist twice a day!
      Purrs, ERin

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  7. Geez, I wonderful if Myrtle has missed her rock yet? MOL Stay cool, Erin!

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    1. Nope, not so far as I know, but I half expect a police car and a swat team to come by any day. do you think peep will have to do hard labour if caught? MOL
      ERin

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  8. Nice selfie, Princess! Gosh, it sounds like your peep was out of control at BlogPaws. Must not've been on my floor, 'cause I didn't hear any late-night cavorting in the halls!

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    1. Oh NO! I bet peep was in the wrong hotel! Oh my, that means another bill to pay!
      Purrs, ERin

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  9. Oh my mouses, Erin! How are you copin'. Arrivin' home, LATE, and stinkin' of dog? And you received reports of his imbibin' in the nip. And orderin' room service without you. And gigglin' like a school-girl. MOUSES!

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    1. Yup, giggling like a kitten high on nip and Niptinis. I mean who'd have thought? Oh well, as I don't have any picture evidence, I shall just have to take ER v0.5's word for it!
      Purrs, ERin

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  10. We think ER .5 did a great job with the reports. Keep your hoomin in line, Your Highness, it's very impawtant work.

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    1. Hmm, it's the in line bit that has me worried. Peep isn't very good at straight lines, without the nip let alone with. MOL
      ERin

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  11. It sounds as if BlogPaws was exciting and whirlwindy for your Peep, Erin. We are glad he had a great time, and that he made it back to the Palace!

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    1. I'm now sure if the peep was actually in the same hotel or conference! There was a science fiction conference on at the same time.... maybe the peep got confused and went the wrong way! Might explain the strange outfits peep has.... oh hang on, my mistake, thats the usual stuff. MOL
      ERin

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  12. Time will tell, Erin, time will tell...I'm sure you will get to the bottom of those shenanigans that took place over the pond...and nice selfie! Thanks for stopping by our blog today.

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    1. Not sure if I want to get to the bottom of this the more I hear the worse it sounds. I think something just isn't quite right in all this! Maybe if I wait till next year things will be revealed?
      Purrs, ERin

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  13. I only can think of the sparrow food, Erin, it distracted me from all the reading :D Glad your peep is home sound and safe :D Your Selfie looks extremely...hot today, Erin ;) COOL Pawkisses for a wonderful Day :) <3

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    1. Thank you Binky, lookin' hot and feelin' hot too... It is rather hard to think of food other than mouse and cream and nip......... I can just taste it now. MOL
      ERin

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  14. your Peep was so lucky to go to Blogpaws,my mummy really wants to go but she can't get dad to go,xx Speedy

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    1. Aww, I do think your dad will be missing out on a fun time. We got encouraged by all the friendly people that were there, and that knew we were coming and came to say hello. It was brilliant, like a little family.
      Purrs, ERin

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  15. Hi Erin doll. That was so kind of you to mention me & my blog! Thanks! ER sure charmed Flattie V! He was all giggly after he met her! I hope your peep is feeling better these days. I'm hoping mine is on on the mend, too, 'cause she hasn't played with me much lately. Oh, I think your palace could use a service doggie or two. They could be the "night watch" to make sure nothing goes amiss when you're out on your rounds or be the "waiters" and "footmen" at your soirees. A princess like yourself can never have too many staff! On another note, did your peep not bring you home any swag from the conference other than the pebble?! Did he not save you any Meowijuana? (blowing a kiss)

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    1. Hi Valentine, you charmer you. ER is a chip off the block as they say, and will go far... in fact she has gone very far. MOL Yes Service dogs could be very handy about the place, Palace. Not sure I could pay much though as peep is now retired and my publishing aims, and movie contract have not come to fruition, yet. I did get a nip nanna that was slipped into the luggage by mistake, and of course I have Myrtle's pebble, well until she claims it back. Oh well a Princess has to do without sometimes, and all the fabulous swag did go to a rather special Rescue, so actually it worked out quite well. Oh I did get something, peep brought me back a selection of pizza menu's, and they do look yummy! I shall be ordering a takeaway on Saturday to try them out.... You are welcome to pop round if you wish, maybe....
      Hugs and purrs to your princely floofiness.
      Erin

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  16. ERin...does yur peep noe ewe used fowl language in this post....sparrow ......... ???!!!

    yur selfee iz awesum N thanx for sharin yur add venturez while yur stand in waz at blog
    paws :) waves two ewe vivee & 984 paws up two ewe ♥♥♥

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    1. Nooo! So sorry, I don't know what came over peep... well I do, it was probably sleep as it's been way too hot the last few days, and hectic with the retirement.... either that or it was the paper bag I put on the peeps head, typing the Jedi way, I call it. MOL
      Waves to you all too, you always liven my day.
      Purrs, ERin

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  17. OK- "if those Buffalo's have wings then they could have got there under their own steam."--one of the best lines ever spoken by cat or human--seriously! Love it!

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    1. Oooh, glad you liked it, I was rather tickled by that one myself... must have been the feathers! MOL
      Erin

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  18. Hmmm...I think I should get me a v0.5! It looks like v0.5 had a purrfectly marvelous time...and it sounds like your peeps did too!.
    Lovely snooze shot darling.
    Love Barb

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    1. Hmm I'm wondering if ER had too much of a good time??? Still it all worked out for the best, bar the horrid cold ER and the +1 got there or in the plane.
      ERin

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  19. A brilliant post - you did make us laugh!!

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    1. Hi, glad you enjoyed the fun and shenanigans of BlogPaws.
      ERin

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  20. *** CRACKING UP *** Wow, Erin v0.5 was busy! Perhaps she's gotten the idea that she can work hard and usurp your kingdom?!?! I don't trust her ... I mean she added black to her nose to look more like you. Of course, imitation is flattery ... but I wouldn't trust her. Your Peep could be lead astray and that just wouldn't do at all!

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    1. I think the responsibility was too much for ER, maybe I should have sent two to cover the whole event, maybe a flat version too for those hard to squeeze into meetings?
      Purrs, Erin

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  21. What happens at BlogPaws stays at BlogPaws. Isn't that how the saying goes?

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    1. You probably have that right, as I'm sure peep has forgotten everything that happened there, and knowing peep probably forgot before it happened, which explain why most of the sessions were missed. MOL I'm putting it down to too much nip and jet lag.
      Purrs, ERin

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  22. Erin, what a truly fabulous BP report, so many great memories! Love the pics of Erin V0.5 in the gym, so so funny! MOL

    Happy dayz

    Big hugs

    Basil & Co xox

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    1. Happy Dayz, which I think must have been what peep was in most of the time... must have been that nip!

      Hugs to all at Sleepy Hollow.

      Erin

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  23. Thank you for coming over - we've somehow missed your blog until now!! Well that's not a surprise given that Mom's been so much offline that she hardly remembers what internet is, hehe.

    You're indeed a beautiful princess, and you know how to express yourself and keep humans on their toes!

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    1. Hello and thank you for dropping in at the Palace. I too am finding lots of new blogs that I have missed, including Mousebreath Magazine! There is such a wealth of info and fun out there I do declare that my reading list will never stop growing MOL
      Oh yes, a cat has to put her paw down from the start, bt it pays and the humans do like to be ordered, though they may no quite appreciate it. Purrs, ERin

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